if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
