she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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