I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
