420 ftw
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
