I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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