Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
