apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
