i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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