He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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