this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
