So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
