Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
