farters have to be the big spoon...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
