literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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