Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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