If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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