Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
