Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize