he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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