The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
