i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
