i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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