I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
