she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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