im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
