i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
