Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
