Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
