Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
