No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
