Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
