dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
