Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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