All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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