I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize