NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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