I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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