That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
