when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
