i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize