His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
