The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
