guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
