Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
