My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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