I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
