I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i dont even know how to be here
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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