Im at strip club and am horny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize