glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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