I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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