Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
