he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
