Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
