You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
