Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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