my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
