Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
