This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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