Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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