Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
