I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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