it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
