seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
