He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
