if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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