We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
